Ahh X-Factor, what an abomination.

I understand it's very fashionable to bleat on about how bad this show but I just can't resist. It makes me too angry.

It's made by morons and aimed at morons. Granted, a large proportion of the audience aren't morons, they're normal people seeking amusement in an otherwise bleak world, but let's face it, the show is aimed at pond life. The horrendously cheesy back-stories to the week's token sob-story performer, the embarrassingly OTT music, the crowd that look like they decided to live in Chernobyl following the nuclear disaster and those rent-a-quote wankers on the judging panel.

The performers themselves are just so depressingly predictable and homogenus. They all sound the same, they all point to the notes they're singing (watch for it, you'll understand) and all sing the same, dull, tiresome songs. It would be really nice if they could all realise that it's not a virtue to warble every vowel; if anything that shows you're incapable of holding a note for more than 2 seconds before your voice starts wobbling. It might sound a bit pretty but to me it sounds like you're a fucking shit singer. Does Emperor Ming with his high trousers notice this? Of course he does, he and his cronies don't know the first thing about musical talent. They do however know a lot about marketing and sales.

If I had the choice I'd continue running the show but the end result would actually be a secret "prize" of having your vocal chords removed and being banished from public life forever. Why? Because you're too fucking lazy to put in the hard work of regular gigging in every kind of shit venue you can get yourself into, promoting yourself at every opportunity, putting in your hard-earned cash to create merchandise and advertisements and generally busting your ass to make something of your musical talent. Can't be bothered with that? Then you don't fucking deserve a career in music.

I successfully avoid this abortion of a show but it naturally creeps into my peripheral vision now and again and never fails to rile me. Ah well, nothing I can do about it aside from mass murder. I'll just have to put up with yet another dull-as-shit "singer" that sounds like Leona Lewis, who sounds like every generic "R'n'B" (it's not real R'n'B) in history.

Piss off